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Tuesday, May 31, 2005
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Loo
So I'm pretty busy right now, but here is a great email I got from my friend Michael the other day. He sent it in hopes of getting a bunch of phone numbers back from people. He lost all his numbers since his cell phone...well...read on...
quote:
I was at a party at Opaline last Wednesday night. It was the eve of my good friend Hana's birthday and I'd promised her a birthday drink...she however didn't know if she wanted to come to the party so I met her next door at 85A for a celebratory drink or three. I excused myself to use the loo (lew, lue? you know what I mean), and as I stood there about to flush, what should happen but my trusty old cell phone, whom many friends had referred to as the smallest cell phone in the world ("...oh my god! That has got to be the smallest cell phone in the world!"), decides that it has had enough of this world and being tucked into my pants pocket.
With the grace of a leaden swan, Celli (I will refer to him as "Celli" from here on out...one needs to speak respectfully of the deceased and it seems respectful to refer to them by name at very least)...Celli lept three feet straight up into the air, did a triple backwards axle somersault-thing and landed right in the golden-hued water.
Now, perhaps it was the three drinks I'd shared with Hana in 45 minutes, and perhaps not. I think back on that fateful day and like to think that I would have made the same decision stone cold sober. At least that's the position I've taken. I looked at the floundering device named Celli thrashing about in the bowl as any cell phone in his predicament would and thought, "I can't put my hands in there, it's unsanitary." BUT, if I were to flush right at this moment, Celli would be too big and heavy to go down the pipes and the rush of clean water would make the concept of fishing him out a bit more bearable.
Now friends, I tell you that nothing prepared me for what came next. It still haunts me light a nightmare, a ghoulish vision. I did it. I pressed the chrome plated lever and watched in horror as Celli, whom you will recall is the smallest phone in the world, was washed away into the nether regions of the NYC sewer system in a torrent of water, urine and tears.
NNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
His time had come. In this my hour of grief you can understand that I need the love and support of my friends. The healing has already begun. My replacement phone provided by Cingular's mobile device insurance has already arrived, but the address book therein is sadly devoid of contact information. Please don't let it remain so.
If for some reason we're not THAT close and you don't feel comfortable with me having your # or you gave me an email address purposely instead of a phone #, of course I can only respect your wishes and won't in any way take it personally. I hope the story of my foolhardiness made you smile. For all others, your support in this my time of need is greatly appreciated. At no other time does the old addage ring so true: "If it's yellow, let it mellow. If it's brown, flush it down."
My friends, Celli was not brown. Thank you for listening and for caring.
quote:
I was at a party at Opaline last Wednesday night. It was the eve of my good friend Hana's birthday and I'd promised her a birthday drink...she however didn't know if she wanted to come to the party so I met her next door at 85A for a celebratory drink or three. I excused myself to use the loo (lew, lue? you know what I mean), and as I stood there about to flush, what should happen but my trusty old cell phone, whom many friends had referred to as the smallest cell phone in the world ("...oh my god! That has got to be the smallest cell phone in the world!"), decides that it has had enough of this world and being tucked into my pants pocket.
With the grace of a leaden swan, Celli (I will refer to him as "Celli" from here on out...one needs to speak respectfully of the deceased and it seems respectful to refer to them by name at very least)...Celli lept three feet straight up into the air, did a triple backwards axle somersault-thing and landed right in the golden-hued water.
Now, perhaps it was the three drinks I'd shared with Hana in 45 minutes, and perhaps not. I think back on that fateful day and like to think that I would have made the same decision stone cold sober. At least that's the position I've taken. I looked at the floundering device named Celli thrashing about in the bowl as any cell phone in his predicament would and thought, "I can't put my hands in there, it's unsanitary." BUT, if I were to flush right at this moment, Celli would be too big and heavy to go down the pipes and the rush of clean water would make the concept of fishing him out a bit more bearable.
Now friends, I tell you that nothing prepared me for what came next. It still haunts me light a nightmare, a ghoulish vision. I did it. I pressed the chrome plated lever and watched in horror as Celli, whom you will recall is the smallest phone in the world, was washed away into the nether regions of the NYC sewer system in a torrent of water, urine and tears.
NNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
His time had come. In this my hour of grief you can understand that I need the love and support of my friends. The healing has already begun. My replacement phone provided by Cingular's mobile device insurance has already arrived, but the address book therein is sadly devoid of contact information. Please don't let it remain so.
If for some reason we're not THAT close and you don't feel comfortable with me having your # or you gave me an email address purposely instead of a phone #, of course I can only respect your wishes and won't in any way take it personally. I hope the story of my foolhardiness made you smile. For all others, your support in this my time of need is greatly appreciated. At no other time does the old addage ring so true: "If it's yellow, let it mellow. If it's brown, flush it down."
My friends, Celli was not brown. Thank you for listening and for caring.
