What a tangled wwweb we weave...

Wednesday, July 13, 2005

Oooooh, you can see her...

Alright, so in a previous post, I mentioned that - after some creep made a comment about my cold nipples poking out of my wife-beater - I have major nipple issues.

What do I mean by that? Well, nipples are something that both men and women have - and yet, if women's are ever seen in this country (God forbid!), well, it's just a fucking abomination (hello, Miss Janet). And if they are visible through your dress, you've made a major fashion faux-pas (my poor dear Miss Kerry.) And if they are just poking through your t-shirt or other stylish outfit in 'erect' fashion - well, gosh - what a scandal! (Jennifer Aniston has actually said that she suffers from major nippleage and has needed to have it digitally removed on 'Friends' and photos. Such obscenities!)

Craziness. This whole obsession with nipples drives me nuts. See, I'm a girl who sometimes likes to roam free and not wear a bra. And sometimes, I like to wear really cute outfits that just aren't made for bras. And, when I'm feeling really daring, I even have shirts that are sometimes a little see-through and you can see my nipples. And then I spend hours and fucking hours trying to figure out how to mask my nips because it's just too risque for our society for me to wander about town with my breasts exposed to the world. Let's face it - when you wear something sheer or low-cut or whatever, people stare and if your nipples are showing - well, oh my God, you're a freak then.

I like the European approach - that the human body is a beautiful thing and it's perfectly natural to tan topless and wear fun clothes that - if your boob popped out - well, it wouldn't be a national emergency.

But, alas - I know that if I step outside of my apartment in something so bold, the comments would just fly. I would probably get arrested for indecent exposure. Honestly - I mean, people make comments when you're just FUCKING COLD!!!

My dear friend Lauren - who towers over me at a stunning six feet - is a simply gorgeous model. She told me that she uses the 'model' excuse. That models can get away with exposed nipples because it's high fashion - haute couture. Kate Moss can do it, and so can she. But somehow, in my petite 5'4 frame, I doubt that I'd be able to pass it off as 'high fashion.' I'd just get all of the hooter-lovers drooling and making rude remarks, cat-calling and whistling as I pass down the street.

Even women stare, which I just think is odd. They are just breasts!

Then again, we live in a society where women hide themselves shamefully from one another in the gym locker room. Where we digitally blot out ass-cracks on TV. Where children' eyes are shielded when nudity is in front of them (I mean, after all, so many innocent children were scarred and blinded for life by Miss Janet's wardrobe malfunction.)

Embrace your fucking body! Love the human body! Adore the nipple in all of its glory!
Seriously, you suck on it all thru infancy, then you're never allowed to see it again??!!
Men just love boobs and anything to do with them. I am a married man who is totally in love with his wife. She's got great boobs, and even nursing our young son (4 months), gets me worked up. Can't help it, just happens. Sight of nice boobs or a nipple poking (NERTS-Nipple Erect Right Thru Shirt) catches my eye. My wife's especially but all others too.
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