What a tangled wwweb we weave...

Tuesday, July 12, 2005

An ONLINE LIFE (Part 2)

1:30 - Contemplate not going back to work.

1:45 - Buy a New Yorker.

1:50 - Stop off for an iced coffee from "Charred"Bucks

1:55 - Think about Con-Ed bill I have to pay.

1:56 - Wonder if "existenial angst" is a legitmate reason to claim unemployment.

1:57 - Bum cigarette from corporate pervert who always stares at my ass in elevator.

1:59 - Realize bank account cannot support rash desire for freedom.

2:00 - Take out security card to let myself back into Orwellian office compound.

2:01- Cry in elavator on way back to office.

2:04 - Tell boss I have allergies after he asks why my face and eyes are "so bloated, puffy, and red?"

2:09 - Check CNN.com to see if anything has exploded anywhere. Read update on Michael Jackson's sleeping habits post-verdict.

2:10 - Vow AGAIN to stop wasting time reading infotainment.

2:15 - Go to Slate.com and read about budget deficeits.

2:20 - Worry about how much money the United States owes the Chinese.

2:25 - Wish other Americans could be as serious as I am.

2:30 - Get buzzed by boss instructing me to ghostwrite letter.

2:45 - Draft a thank you to Wall Street Fat Cat for hosting my boss on his (upwards to $5 million dollar) boat this past weekend.

2:50 - Feel my soul leaving body.

2:55 - Look to see if Red Cross needs volunteers in Afghanistan.

3:00 - Correct typos.

3:05- Letter approved, print envelope, send out meaningless correspondance.

3:15 - Check email to see if Ex- has responded.

3:16 - No email from Ex-. Curse Ex- and proclaim him an asshole once more.

3:18 - Promise never to communicate with Ex-. Resolve to, finally, move one and decide to put up snarky profile of cute self on Nerve.com.

3:25 - Go to Nerve.com and read profiles of other twenty, thirty something lonely-hearts/perverts/losers/desparados.

3:30 - Cannot bring self to join Nerve.com. Leave site feeling depressed and slightly hopeless.

3:35 - Make trip to Staples to buy boss small tape-recorder so he can dictate business letters to me.

4:15 - Wonder if I can get a fulbright to study winemaking in France. Go to fulbright website but get exhausted reading requirements.

4:25 - Think about what I am going to have for dinner.

4:50 - Bid my boss a bright adieu and tell him I'll see him tomorrow.

4:55- Decide I will call in sick tomorrow.

5:00 - Turn off computer.

5:01 - Skip out.

5:03 - Am Free (temp-o-rarily).
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